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Are you extremely lonely, but with strong morals to adhere to?
You'll want to touch yourself, but only in the form of a self-hug, to protect you from the night terrors brought on by this dreck.For everyone else, though, this Chilean coming-of-age drama, about a popular sex blogger experiencing her sexual awakening away from the computer screen, will mostly wonder why bland lead actress Alicia Rodríguez always seems on the verge of falling asleep.Sexual Chronicles of a French Family (2012) Directors: Pascal Arnold, Jean-Marc Barr Stars: Mathias Melloul, Valérie Maës, Stephan Hersoen, Leïla Denio, Nathan Duval, Yan Briand, Adeline Rebeillard, Grégory Annoni, Laetitia Favart, Pierre Perrier What five minutes were like: It takes less than five minutes to feel bad for this film's main character, Romain (Mathias Melloul), a confused and insecure teenager who, to open the film, gets caught beating his meat during biology class.My Normal (2009) Director: Irving Schwartz Stars: Nicole La Liberte, Ty Jones, Dawn Noel Pignuola What five minutes were like: The dialogue in this movie might've been improvised, or at least written on set.The main character, a lesbian dominatrix, just said that her hookup probably wouldn't mind that she's a "dom" because "she seemed mad chill." Which will make you feel about 30 years older on principle, and slightly misanthropic.
Don't Let Me Die on a Sunday (1998) Director: Didier Le Pecheur Stars: Élodie Bouchez, Jean-Marc Barr, Martin Petitguyot What five minutes were like: In a search for deeper meaning, this movie adopts blue palette and some really somber facial expressions. An Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012) Director: Sean Garrity Stars: Jonas Chernick, Emily Hampshire, Sarah Manninen, Vik Sahay, Melissa Elias, Marina Stephenson Kerr, Andrea del Campo, Tamara Gorski What five minutes were like: Well, the five minutes we watched involved someone performing a sexual act on a cantaloupe, so let’s just say five minutes of were nutritious in the most ridiculous way.